After reading about another blogger’s “blogiversary,” and my own “I have no follow-through” post over on A Poly Life, I was inspired to take a closer look at my blog, and to do some evaluating of what I am doing here: what I wanted to accomplish when I started writing this and what I have accomplished. I got curious about my own blog “born-on” date as well, and discovered that Pieces of Jade will be two years old on December 27th! (Read my very first post here.)
So, happy almost-my-blog’s-birthday to me!
Actually, I was kind of impressed by that two-year mark. I tend to be hard on myself about not following though on things, but I’ve been here, doing this, for two years now, enjoying every minute and staying true to why I am here. So…maybe I do have a bit of follow-through occasionally.
I started this blog for W, plain and simple. He encouraged me to start it, despite my initial reservations (I had stopped blogging a couple years before, after about 5 years of blogging on LiveJournal, due to an unfortunate incident that cost me the love and friendship of someone I cared deeply about.) But I love to write, and most especially to be read: I like the feeling of exposure, of vulnerability that writing about these kinds of things, and knowing others are reading it, gives me. I like exposing my life and who I am on a deeply sensual, sexual level, I like the attention, I like knowing there are people out there reading about my adventures, some getting off on them, some being disturbed by them, some enjoying and some being titillated or shocked by them. Writing about my sexual adventures truly has become a kind of kink for me, actually enhancing and intensifying my sexual experiences, outside of the rich depth of connection I feel with W through it.
That connection with W is what I value most about what I do here. To have found someone that values my innermost thoughts, feelings and musings on what we do enough to read them every day, to talk about them with me, to comment on them and to really think about them and value them is amazingly gratifying. For a person with as profound a need to be heard as I have, it’s a miracle, and truly, if I didn’t have that, this space would probably not survive long, even with my many readers. It’s him I write for, him I want to engage, him I want to titillate and communicate with. It’s my relationship with him that fuels my writings, that gives me the stories I put down here, that makes my life interesting enough to have something to write about. And in turn, it is the writing and the connection we have through my writing–and the very act of exposing myself through them, of having to expose myself this way–that fuels our play, that makes it hotter. I could write erotica till the cows come home, I can make up stories all day long (and do), I have a fertile and wide-ranging imagination. But I don’t have to make anything up for this space, and in fact have so many real life stories to write about that I can’t keep ahead of them all.
You’d think that in a month as slow as this one’s been (for fun, for kink, for sex) that I’d be catching up on all those untold-as-of-yet stories, wouldn’t you?
But that also is the funny thing about how my writing and real-life interact: if I am not doing those things, I feel very uninspired to write about them. Unfortunately, in a little Catch-22, when I am doing them, I seldom have the time or energy to actually sit and write detailed accounts of them. So I end up with all of these thoughts in my head, all of these scenes that I want to describe, all these connections I want to make about the sex and kink and emotion and the stuff that I think about sex and kink and relationship, and what I end up with are snippets in draft form that consist of a couple of sentences, or links to Fetlife discussions that got me thinking, or to blog posts that other people have written that inspired something. I also have a few thousand pictures that W’s taken of our various scenes that remind me of all the things I haven’t written about. But if I’m not doing those things, I have no real desire to write about them. I can (and do) make myself at times, and maybe that is one thing I really need to focus on: daily erotic writing, whether or not I feel “inspired,” but also, if I know I am not going to have any of those things happen to me, if I know there’s not a snowball’s chance in hell of getting tied up, beat, fucked, sent out on a “date,” being humiliated or made to do things that I don’t want to…well, maybe I’d just rather read a book. Or crochet. Because, dammit, writing about these things gets me worked up, gets me wanting them, and then I feel all pissy because I’m not getting them! (Insert pouty face, crossed arms and stompy feet here.)
So anyway…here I am at almost two years old, and I can still say I love what I’m doing here. I haven’t followed through on some of the things I’d like to do, such as creating a link to my writings on Eden Cafe, for instance, or to my personal favorite posts here; I had to drop my blog roll a while ago due to the upkeep of it; and I really don’t keep up well enough with other blogs–because of that had to drop my Friday Five feature that I used to feature new blogs that I had found. Even my Work from Home Day feature that I had talked with W about, and that we’d both been so enthusiastic about, hasn’t materialized, and it seems like I can’t manage to get a Wanton Wednesday up to save my life lately! I haven’t even begun the transition to or design of my own website. But what I initially wanted to do in this blog, to talk about “Sex and love and relationships and BDSM and kink” I have done, and continue to do. And what I get out of it, personally, is more than I ever could have dreamed I would.