Wank Wednesday – Default

“No,” I say.  This is always my default. Odd for a submissive woman, right? But that’s the truth of it.
“No, don’t make me do that.”
“No, I don’t want to hurt.”
“No, I don’t want to experience that.”
But in the end, I always end up saying “yes.”  And often, “Yes, please…” If only in my mind.
“Yes, I want whatever it is that you offer, whatever it is that you demand, whatever it is that you want.”
His wants become mine, so entangling and confusing that I don’t know where mine end and his start anymore.
On my knees, mouth open, he doesn’t even have to force my mouth to his cock to take his piss anymore. I still start at that default place, that instinctive, reactive, “No!” but we both know it means nothing.
Standing spreadeagle, wrists and ankles tied, seeing the shadow of the whip in his hand on the wall. “No,” I think, “I can’t take it!” But we both know the word for the lie it is. I can, and I will.
My body exhausted, my cunt feeling torn open, laying there gasping for breath, he reaches for me again. “No,” I whisper, hoarsely. But we both know in moments I will be gasping “Yes, yes!” again as he shoves his fingers inside me and tears another orgasm from me.
Reading his words about what will happen on a future date, I shake my head. “No, I don’t want to do that–” And then I type the word “Yes,” just as he knew I would.
When did “no” become just another word for “yes?”
Wank Wednesday is the brainchild of Ruby Kiddell of The Erotic Notebook. A weekly writing prompt and gathering place for a weekly “festival of smut,” you can see all the submissions by following her Twitterfeed, the hashtag #wankwednesday, or visiting her blog.