In my last post I said that I would talk more about the real-life application of the the way kink and swinging intersect for us. I actually had some good discussion about this with Ad in our “debrief” of Saturday night. As a new adventure for the two of us–actually for all three of us–I wanted to talk with him about what worked, what didn’t, if he enjoyed it, what might have gone better, etc., just like W and I do after a particularly strenuous or edgy scene. What he told me didn’t surprise me in the least, and talking with him actually helped clarify some of my own ambiguous feelings that I’ve been having.
I’ve had swinging adventures before with the Ex. Only a few times though, because he really didn’t like them. We both preferred three-way, either MFM or FMF.
I’ve come to realize I still do.
It seems like swinging–two couples, four people–should be balanced, and that that balance should make things easy. Each couple pairs off and does their thing, right?
Well sure, sort of. Of course, our particular situation was a bit odd to start: three men and two women. But still, it was pretty close to swinging, with the other woman getting to enjoy my two guys while I got to be with her man. In theory that should work…and in practice, it did, to a degree.
I’m just not into swinging as a concept. I don’t want to be separated from my guys while someone else does me. I don’t care if they’re doing someone else, I’m cool with that, and in fact find it hot to watch. But I want to be right there with them when they are, engaged, interacting–or at least snuggled up in the bed next to them enjoying the show while they are.
There were a couple of things that made this very hot for other reasons though–and those all had to do with kink. Using kink to corrupt swinging kinda works for me. Kinda. But…I’d much rather play on the hard end of the coercion scale. It’s not that I don’t like the couple we did this with, I do, quite a lot. And it’s not that they don’t have a kinky side, they do, and that’s cool. But really, being coerced was really what made it work for me.
But what Ad said to me, and what I have to agree with him about, is that, although the actual “getting down” with other couples in the typical “swapping” scenario is not an ideal way for either of us to have sex, being in that atmosphere is great, and we both love it. Going out to a bar, or hanging out, with a group of lifestylers is much preferable to any vanilla gathering. We can talk and flirt with others openly, I get to get my sexy on, Ad gets to be the touching, affectionate person he is, and the topics of conversation aren’t censored. I can flirt with both my men and talk openly about who we are and what we do, and even about our unusual sex lives. The sexy dancing, the teasing and flirtation and open admiration of others is lovely.
Neither one of us wants to not do those things. But neither one of us enjoys the negotiations and sometimes awkwardness of getting from sexy talk and flirtation to actual sex (nor are we especially skilled at it.) And if we do manage to get there, the truth is that the “swapping” part of it, where we aren’t actually sharing the experience with each other, is also not our preference. He, too, wants me to be involved, to be there, “assisting.” He also gets his greatest pleasure and gets most turned-on by having me being an active part of his sexual encounters.
So…I don’t know what that means for future forays by he and I into this. I’ve told him that whatever he is comfortable with is fine, that he won’t be judged if he doesn’t want to “perform.” But that may not actually be the case. Swinging is about swapping, an exchange, tit-for-tat, right? So, given a situation where sex is happening, there might be expectations. I just don’t know. I’m not experienced enough in these things yet to know.
Of course there are the non-sex parties. The meet and greets at bars, the dances, and the cruise will be one long party where nothing is expected but what you want to make of it (many of the folks on the lifestyle cruises are “lifestyle friendly” not actual swingers, who just enjoy the sexy, permissive and sexual atmosphere–much like Ad!) So those things are cool. But the rest…we’ll see.
And as for me…well…it’s all bound up in kink for me, and without kink, the swinging part just doesn’t work. Now a drunken Jade being used by several men at a party would be hot too…but again, that isn’t (usually, from what I can tell) how these swinger things or the swinger dynamic works. So…we shall see.
Anyway…on to Saturday night. Which was fun, and did work on several levels for us all.
Let me give you the set-up.
We arrive at their suite at the hotel right on time. There is another couple there, and we all get to talking, and then another couple arrives, and then one more. It was fun getting to know some of the Midwest people that are going on the cruise in November, but I know as the evening goes on that the real show is going to be happening later, after everyone but us leave. The couple that is hosting the party is a couple we played with before on the ship, and that W had played with even before that.
So I knew what the expectations were, and even more so, I knew what W’s expectations of me were. I had, in fact, been fulfilling those expectations all night so far. I was dressed very sexy, in an extra short dress, stockings and garter belt and super-high heels, and no panties. Something that I wasn’t flaunting, but…there might have been a glimpse or two here and there. The fact that I was wearing stockings and heels while everyone else was in jeans was not lost on any of them, I’m sure. But I hadn’t tried to dress sexier than them–it was a swinger party, I thought everyone would be dressed up.
And also…regardless of what anyone else was wearing, I knew W wanted me to dress sexy, so that’s what I did. He wanted to be able to show me off, so I wore something that would turn heads.
I was also doing my damndest to charm and flirt with everyone, male and female, because I knew that that would please W as well. It wasn’t hard to do, actually, because the desire to be liked, to be loved, by everyone is a deep one for me. So, really, I was just my natural, people-pleasing self. And actually, that size group is ideal for me and puts me right in my comfort zone; any larger and I start to feel intimidated and end up withdrawing.
My guys were holding their own as well, being friendly and flirting with our hostess quite a bit, making everyone comfortable with the concept of having an “extra guy” around (which was easy because hey, they were obviously interested in our hostess, which attention I think she loved.) I was very proud of my guys and saw that the other women there knew how lucky I am to have them both – and also that I share. Happily. :-)
There were a couple of funny moments during the evening too.
One: Ad is sort of hidden off to one side in the kitchenette. A couple arrives and gets the intro to W and I and the other couple. They start talking, and suddenly Ad steps out from the kitchen. “Oh!” says the guy of the couple that had just arrived. “Who are you?!?” (It is obvious from his tone that he’s thinking “single guy alert, single guy alert!”) “I’m Ad,” says my guy. “Ohhh…and um…” the other guy fumbles around for a moment, trying to find a way to ask it nicely. “He’s one of my guys,” I chime in, from the living room. All heads swivel my way. “That one,” I say, pointing to W, “and that one,” pointing at Ad, “are my two guys.” I swear he looked totally flummoxed for a moment. Then, “Wow, you get two, huh?” “Yeah,” I say. “Actually, Ad insisted I find another one. That’s how I got W.” A moment of dead silence, then nervous laughter all around, and we all move on.
Two: One of the women asks me about the tattoo I have on the back of my neck. “That had to hurt!” she says. “Oh, well, uh…” I start to say, trying to find a way to say I liked it without actually saying, “I’m a freak!” W doesn’t have those qualms, though, lol. “Well there’s something you need to understand about Jade,” says he. “Jade likes pain.” Another momentary silence as they all consider just what kind of creature they have in their midst. Then the nervous laughter, and we all move on. Until the man next to me says, quietly, “So, you like pain, huh? What kind?” W knows how to flush them out, doesn’t he? Now it’s my turn to be flummoxed. How much/how little do I say? “Let’s just say,” I finally reply, “that I’m a very kinky girl.” And leave it at that. I can see his interest is peaked all night though, though his wife is decidedly less warm to me after that. That could be because she isn’t feeling well, though. I guess we’ll see.
But sooner rather than later everyone starts to leave…and it’s just me, Ad, W, and the hosting couple, our friends.
And then the real fun begins…
(to be continued)