On Being a “Winner”

So yeah, apparently I am. I was named Top Sex Blogger in this year’s Riverfront Times Web Awards.  It’s an honor…but on the other hand, as W said when I told him that I was one of the top 5 nominees, “You mean there’s more than five sex bloggers in St. Louis?” LOL  So. “Big” fish (I use that term very tongue in cheek), small pond. Ha.

Honestly, though? Winning this thing (that I didn’t even know existed before last week) makes me a little uncomfortable. I mean, I’m really honored that I was, and did, but…well, that much attention makes me a little (and sometimes a lot) uncomfortable.

I know–“Bullshit, Jade!” you say. “Look at what you write here, look at how you expose yourself, look at the pictures you show, the things you say, how you love to go to events and have the guys do awful things to you in front of all those people! Don’t go trying to say you don’t love the attention. (And if you don’t, what the hell are you doing blogging in public about it?!?)”

And you’d be right. I do love a certain kind of attention: attention from people that I know will at least see what I do for what it is. This is my life. I do this stuff – and write about it – because I love it. I love the Guys, I love the things we do, we are happy and joyful and content and we’re…just us. Part of us is this “freakish” stuff we do…but to us, it isn’t freakish at all.

I don’t write this stuff because I’m a freak. I don’t write it to be a freak-show. I don’t want my blog to be that.

I want it to show…the power and strength and beauty and, yes, sexiness, of what we do, who we are. Fuck, I’m a 46 year old woman with three grown children, and I’m having the best sex of my life.

But I am also living the best life I could imagine, the life of my dreams.  I am involved in a deep, abiding, loving relationship with two incredible men. I have a family, and want to teach my children to be good human beings; to love and to allow themselves to be loved; to care; to have open hearts. I struggle like anyone else with self-image issues, with fear and selfishness and longing and unmet potential and anger and sadness.  But every day is a fresh start, and I am living my life exactly as I choose, in a world that sometimes values conformity more than it should. I want people to see that part, too.

Not just the “dirty, freaky” pictures.

This is what the RFT  had to say about my blog:

“Pieces of Jade is the dirtiest, freakiest sex site out there and, we warn you, not for the squeamish. We’re not sure how the site got its name, but we’re guessing it’s because author “Jade” is so eager to showoff every “piece” of her body (especially the naughty ones) and floridly describe what she’s subjected said pieces to lately.”

You know, I don’t mind being characterized as the “dirtiest, freakiest” sex blog, I suppose. I mean hell, it is a sex blog, and I write about my sex life in the most graphic of terms.  And I don’t mind the reference to posting pictures of my body and all the awful/wonderful things that get done to it. But I feel like they kind of missed the point of my blog, by focusing on the spectacle of what it is we do. Don’t get me wrong – I love posting my pictures, and I love knowing that people get off on them.  But my blog is about so much more than that.  And I hope that the people that come here because they’ve seen the link in the RFT will see that.

Their comment about my name, “Pieces of Jade,” speaks to this misunderstanding perfectly.

The name “Pieces of Jade” is not about how many “pieces” of my body I am “eager” to expose. Pieces of Jade comes from the fact that when I started this blog, 3 or 4 years ago, I started it so that I could write here about this one “piece” of my life in a place that was about this one piece of me, the kink piece, and that alone.

The whole point is that this – what we do, who I am here in these pages and with W and in my sex life – that is just one piece of me. One part of my life. A “Piece” of Jade.

That’s how it started out, anyway. And that’s where the name came from.

It has come to be so much more than that, though. It has become a chronicle of so much more than who I have fucked and when. Of how W uses me, or lets me be used. Of the games we play and the kink we get up to.  And if I am to be recognized as a “Top Blogger” of any sort – I want it to be because of that. Because I am unafraid to lay it all out here, the Good, the Bad & the Ugly. The things that work, the things that don’t. The things that I get off on and that get the Guys off. The dynamic within which our relationship lives, and the relationships outside that dynamic.

I hope…that anyone that comes here for the “freak show” will go away understanding that. I don’t imagine that too many will. As Ad said, “People come for the wank material, Jade. If you don’t want to be wank material, don’t post the pictures.” And he’s right…but the truth of the matter is that if people get off on what I write or post…I am okay with that too. Honestly. Hell, probably the main reason I write is to get W off. So I am good with that. But maybe…just maybe a few of them will also see that there’s more to this than just wank material. Than just the freak show.

And if so – then I can live with being a little uncomfortable.

6 Comments

  1. sexyone says:

    I have to say, I love everything about you and i just read your blog and a couple of your posts…. I got it from the top 100.. I loved it because your so open with your kids and you’re so damn honest. I love honesty… It’s rare. I always say, Just be honest with me and we’ll be ok. You’re blog is wonderful…

  2. Julian Arancia says:

    For what it’s worth, I totally understand what you mean. Indeed, I’ve been working through somewhat similar thoughts on the other side: I’ve gotten increasingly frustrated with how kink-centric folks in the community can be.

    As my wife put it in regards to polyamory: it’s something she does along with many other things. It doesn’t form the central core of her identification.

    It’s the depth of the full picture and the thoughtfulness you put into things that makes this blog so compelling for me. Other blogs that actually have the tone that the RFT incorrectly brought to your blog get very boring very quickly for me.

    Setting aside the fact that they failed to “get” you, I have to say I find the write up to be borderline offensive in it’s almost sniggering tone.

    Anyway, you’re a winner in my book (and have been for years: http://julianarancia.wordpress.com/2009/11/25/thanksgiving/).

  3. Ad@m says:

    I don’t come for the freak show. I prefer to know real people. I feel the same about my blog. It is an image based blog for sure, but it isn’t just about that. It is about commitment, respect, and love. I don’t know if anyone gathers that by looking at one or two pics, but it is a driving force behind the overtly sexual images I make, and although I love erotica, what makes erotic content powerful is the people–the humanity behind it. Good thoughts

  4. kazigrrl says:

    I’ve seen awards before for other blogs and the whole thing is always so subjective. And a lot of the time the reviewers really don’t seem to get what it’s all about. In the end, you just have to say, thanks for the notice and the free press, and be done with it.

    I don’t blog for prizes or recognition, I blog for my journey and the feeling of community I’ve gotten from those I’ve connected with in this lifestyle. You blog for the same reasons. And THAT’S why I follow you, not for any freak show.

    ~Kazi xxx

  5. While occasionally I marvel and enjoy the exploits that are shared but frankly you can find a different variety flavors of that type of thing everywhere. The reason I keep coming back to read your stuff is the elements that indicate a life beyond the “wank material”.

  6. Paulie says:

    Funny, I came to this blog more that a year ago after it popped up in my google search when I was looking for jade bracelet :)
    And because I related to your writings on more than one level, I became a permanent reader. It wasn’t the kink that attracted me – it was the freedom with which you describe your life and all different aspects of it and your wriing style. When I found your blog, I was a couple of years into exploring my own kinky side, struggling to keep sane, and right in the midst of trying to figure it all out for myself. Your blog helps me, so thank you for posting and for being who you are.

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