Whack Board

I promised I’d tell the tale of my red bum. Well, my first red bum. There’s since been more bottom-reddening events, much to my immense pleasure, but this is a fun story that I’ve been meaning to share.

So. Let me preface this by admitting that I have the worst memory on the face of the planet, and, as this is now a couple weekends ago, and it seems like a LOT has happened in these last couple of weeks, I may have some of the details wrong. (I’m pretty sure K will tease me about any errors I have made.) ;-) But as I recall, it was a Saturday night, the weekend after K had gotten back from a weeklong trip. He’d stayed over Friday night, and we had reacquainted ourselves with each other until quite late that night, and then had spent the next day together too. I believe it was the Saturday he agreed to go shopping with me and I got patio furniture and we brought it back in his truck and put it together while Ad napped after getting off work… though I could be confusing it with a different Saturday.

Ad had worked until 2:30 that day, and though I hadn’t planned it originally, I ended up asking them if we could all do dinner together and go see the new Top Gun movie. We wound up at a local bar & grill that Ad and I like, and, as is our habit, Ad and I brought along a bar game to play while we waited for dinner to arrive. We usually play cribbage, but since there were three of us, we brought Pass the Pigs instead.

Pass the Pigs is a simple enough game where you roll two “pigs” to earn points, and the first one to 100 wins. But, to make it more interesting, I suggested we play for whacks – specifically, whacks on my butt – based on how many points I won or lost by.

Either way, I was a winner.

This is where the details get hazy. I think it was decided that whatever amount of points they each won by would be added up, and that was how many whacks I would receive with whichever implement they chose. There was some other magic formula (I believe) if I won, but I don’t recall how exactly that was supposed to work. I think I lost, anyway.

As Ad always does, he decided to have the math-challenged girl keep score – that scrap of paper up there is where I did the “whack totals” after the game. Grand total: 119 whacks. But the math wasn’t over yet. Because there were two of them I had to halve the total, to equal 59 1/2 whacks each. And naturally I had to keep track while they were smacking me – Ad with a wooden spoon, K with a rattan cane.

I thought I was clever and putting one over on them by keeping track in twenties – counting 1-20 and then keeping track on my fingers how many twenties I counted so that I didn’t have to count clear to 119, which can be a challenge when endorphins hit. But apparently even in that I wasn’t clever enough – K said afterward that I had forgotten or missed a whole set, and so ended up with 139. Or so. And then there was also something about counting the half twice…

Or something. I’m still not entirely clear on that.

It was all very confusing and hilarious and great fun. We laughed and I squealed and wriggled and yelped and tried to keep count, and, in the end, ended up with that lovely red bottom.

Viva la pig-passing-counting-games!

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