We don’t have many rules or protocols as such, at least not yet. But one that we have had pretty much from the beginning – and not by my instigation – is that when we are together I have to ask to use the bathroom. I’m usually good about it – it’s one of the things that I naturally defer to him about, like asking if I can have an alcoholic beverage when we order dinner out, or asking him what he wants me to wear when we go someplace. (Others that he has put in place are that he orders for me at restaurants and always opens my car door.)
Unfortunately, it’s apparently not as ingrained a habit as I thought it was.
It happened after we had been apart for the time that I was positive for Covid. We hadn’t been together for two weeks and apparently I’d gotten used to being my own pee-pee boss. Habits are so easily fallen out of. And I do have a shirt that says “Bossy” on it, so even though I wasn’t wearing it, maybe I was channeling it. Anyway. We went to the pool party and there were people around and I was distracted by all the goings-on, and at the end of the afternoon I realized that I had not asked him for pee permission three different times throughout the day.
I never considered not telling him. I hadn’t done it deliberately, but once I realized I had fallen down on the rule, I confessed right away.
He didn’t say anything at the time. And then, the other day when we were together, he told me that he had decided what my correction would be for the infraction. I had not realized he was even going to give me a correction for it. I wasn’t happy that I had gotten away with it – I need to be held accountable – but I had also filed it away as, “maybe since I confessed he is letting it go this time.”
Not so.
I have a shy bladder. And also bodily functions of any sort usually send me into paroxysms of embarrassment. He’s well aware of this – and so designed my correction specifically to play into that. My correction was that I was going to have to pee in front of him. To make it worse, I couldn’t even do it in the toilet, which would at least allow me to hide from him somewhat: I had to do it in the shower.
I’ve engaged in watersports before, mainly having been peed on (a lot), or being made to drink my Dom’s piss (far less frequently.) I had been made to pee outside a few times. I had even been pissed in once. But just peeing in front of someone has always been a challenge. We (K and I) had joked that we had finally passed the relationship milestone of me peeing with the door open around him, but that had actually been an accident – he and Adam were in the other room and of course Adam and I have reached that level of comfort with each other and I honestly didn’t have K in mind when I opened the door to chat at Adam while I was peeing.
So this was a big deal.
Big enough that I actually weaseled my way out of it the first time, by telling him I didn’t want to take a shower with him the morning after he had decided on my correction. Because I “didn’t want to get up yet” (he had to get ready for work.) So not the reason – I love our morning showers together, even if I have to get up early to take it with him! But I was pretty sure that would be the requirement if I was in there with him, so I pretended to want more sleep.
I think he was onto me, but he let me escape my fate for the time being.
But finally I had to face up to it. We were at his house. I feel like he would have let me slide again, but I can’t live my life that way (lol) so…into the bathroom I went, and into the shower…and I tried. And tried. And hemmed and hawed and whined, and finally, took a trick from slumber party cruelties, and asked if I could turn on the water. And then I crouched there and let the warm water flow over my hand, and closed my eyes tight, and imagined letting go…
I finally managed it.
And then he got in the shower with me and he washed me all over, and the correction was complete.
It may have been over, but you can bet I won’t forget it.
