It’s Been a Minute

All right, more than one. And yes, it seems like every time I come back I say, “hey, I’ve been gone awhile, but I’m trying to come back!” And then I never really do. Call it a lack of inspiration…the pandemic…the breakup…a loss of my sense of self as a kinky person, as a sexual person. Or laziness or fear or… I don’t know what, or why. I guess the thing to do is to stop trying to analyze it and just…do it.

Or don’t. That’s also acceptable.

I’d been thinking about doing a 2021 retrospective. To try to sum up all the things that happened over the year, gain some perspective on them, move beyond them. But damn, it was such a shitty year in so many ways. Not just for me and mine, but for the world. I am so over raking through all of it in my head. I got over that shit, damn it. I don’t need to stab myself in the heart anymore.

I have finally reached a place where I am not stabbing myself in the heart all the time. Yeah, regrets poke at me occasionally, but…there are many – many – times that I think, “I’m glad it’s over.” I’m glad I am free of the angst of six difficult years. I am glad for what I learned from it, and for who I have become in the aftermath – and I won’t ever regret loving him, or all the fun and high-jinx we got up to – but, at least the last two years, maybe three, all that was wrong overshadowed the rest.

I don’t blame him – or her – or me, for that matter, for what happened to us. We were all complicit in our own ways. I wish I’d known…well so much more. But I guess that is what experiences are for, to teach us, if we will learn.

So, the year has passed, and here we all are. New beginnings, and all that.

Here’s some fun stuff that happened toward the end of last year, Adam’s birthday, actually, and I think when I was just starting to know that I was going to be okay, I was going to survive my broken heart. I was going to be okay, even if I didn’t find someone new (although I did, quite by accident, but that’s another tale.) But this weekend happened to be the one that I said to myself, “I can do this.” It’s also the weekend that I “got my kink back.”

The border between the US and Canada had finally opened, and my Canadian Top, M, had come down to visit me. He stayed with us for two weeks, and I got to have someone share my bedroom with me (we built the house with a master bedroom and a separate “kinky” bedroom, for me.) Only V had been in it before, and…it had always been his and my bedroom in my mind, though he’d only stayed here three times before we broke up. But it left me feeling…conflicted…about the space. I love my bedroom, but I couldn’t sleep alone in it anymore. (I am a restless sleeper and had often started out in the big bedroom with Adam only to decamp to my room when I was unable to go back to sleep after awakening.) But when we broke up, it hurt to be in that room, imagining the last night we’d stayed there together, when I had thought we were just taking a break…only to break up completely 3 months later.

(Sometimes I wonder – was that his intent all along? Was he just too cowardly to make a clean break? But that’s the bitterness coming out. I have to believe he was as conflicted and confused as he purported to be, as I was, and intended that we would come back from that time away healthier in mind and spirit, with a desire to forge a stronger, healthier relationship. Of course there is also a part of me that recognizes and reminds myself that a “stronger, healthier” relationship wasn’t possible, for so many reasons – reasons that ultimately made me glad that it ended.)

But I digress.

M was here, and we shared the bedroom, and it helped banish the ghosts that V had left behind.

One of the weekends while he was here was Ad’s birthday. Adam and I had had a wonderful week away about a month earlier, that ended in an impromptu stay in Louisville, in which – because it was impromptu – we were unable to do the two things that I had wanted to do there: watch live racing at Churchill Downs and do a couple distillery tours. So, with M here (who I knew also enjoyed horse racing) we went back to Louisville and celebrated in style, going to the races, doing distillery tours, having amazing food, and – because I’m me, and a trip away always has to = kink in some form – a lovely kink session with the two of them.

The setup: I offered (sweet, giving woman that I am) to take Ad’s bday spankings. To accomplish this, I suggested that each of us choose 5 implements from my extensive collection of ass-beating toys. We all did.

And then, after a heart-pounding and amazingly exciting day at the races…

My shit-eating grin after winning on a horse called “A Girl with a Dream.”
Mint Juleps, because you have to, right?
Me losing (“Pink Horse”) and Adam winning.

And after some interesting distillery tours…

We ended up back at the AirBnB with me half naked and them with implements of destruction in their hands (I know, shocking.) Here’s the fun part: they offered to only do part of Adam’s fifty-six whacks with each implement – totaling fifty-six – but I said, no! Fifty-six whacks with EACH one…not adding up the total in my head because, well, I’m me… 15×56 in other words. And I had to count each one.

And much hilarity ensued.

Wicked Wednesday

Wicked Wednesday – Social Butterfly

I recently saw a tattoo that’s been going around Pinterest: “Accept nothing less than butterflies.” I love that saying, and not just because I vacillate so often between being a butterfly and having butterflies, either. It really does epitomize how I feel about life, and how it should be lived: full on, baby.  I enjoy that feeling of contentment and comfort that home and my steadfast loves bring me, but I always want to know that there are butterflies still to experience, whether they are from a new adventure, an exhilarating challenge, a crazy, wonderful new idea, or simply thinking about my men and the joys and intimacies and depth of the connections that we share.

Oh, and the butterflies that come from flirting with a new lover aren’t bad either.

I got to experience all of those things this past weekend, as well as be a (social) butterfly.

The weekend started Friday night when someone I have dated a couple times, and with whom I have begun to negotiate a play relationship,  came over to hang out with W and I.  I had had to cancel our previous date, and when he asked me if I was available Friday I talked to W and then made a suggestion: why didn’t he come over and watch (and possibly join in) while W and I played?  I didn’t think we’d ever played around him before, and although I talk about what we do here, and have tons of pictures on Fet of us playing, there’s nothing like getting a feel for how someone plays than by actually watching them do it. I am always a little anxious when I start to negotiate a play date with someone who’s only seen my pictures or read my accounts of what we do, because that is such an incomplete picture. I’m nowhere near the painslut/crazy maso that it might appear – W just knows how to get the most out of me. ;-) So this date would serve a couple uses: W and I would get to play; I’d get to spend some time – out of the public eye and ear – with my friend; W would get to talk to and know him a little better and he W; and he’d get to observe our dynamic firsthand.

It was a blast, all the way around. They both beat me up a bit, I had a couple explosive orgasms, we talked and laughed and drank and had chocolate martinis at the Chocolate Bar afterward. And I got the sweetest follow-up text later, indicating that there is a distinct possibility that we may actually move this into the “play-partners” realm!  So I am quite thrilled.

Saturday morning I had an appointment with my hair lady. I’ve been playing with colors for the past few months, and she had done some “corrective” work last time, because I had decided I wanted to go back to reds as opposed to the fun blonde forelock I had been sporting.  But as the time came to go back and get my hair redone, I started missing my sassy blonde, and I knew I was going to have her redo it all over again. But she is a better hairdresser than anyone I’ve been to previous: she wouldn’t just do what I wanted, the condition of my hair be damned. She is willing to get there, but she wants to do it in a way that will cause the least damage to my hair.  So we worked out a compromise, and in doing so settled on some really vibrant red highlights that I ended up LOVING.

And that also gave me an idea for the party that we were going to that night.

Here’s the thing: in all our planning and talking about and anticipation of the swinger party, I had forgotten one tiny detail: it was billed as a themed party, with the theme being “Gods of the Arena.” Costumes were not required, but were encouraged.

So, maybe I hadn’t exactly “forgotten” that part.  I just sort of…ignored it. At most of the swinger events we’ve attended, very few people actually dress to the themes of the parties. ~shrug~ And besides which…togas? Seriously? So…I decided I’d wear something sexy and slutty and sultry and we probably wouldn’t be the only ones not dressed in costume.

Boy, was I wrong! Of the 20 or so couples there, a mere handful were not costumed.

But, in an odd bit of serendipity and last-minute ingenuity and inspiration, I wasn’t one of them.

It was all my hairdresser’s fault. That gorgeous red that she put in my hair reminded me of a length of shimmery, sheer red cloth that I had sitting in a drawer.  I started thinking about what it would look like wrapped around my body, with nothing on underneath…and a costume idea was born.  I’ll have to find some way to thank her, without having to show her the picture of my “toga.”

Because honey, this wasn’t your mama’s (or Caesar’s) toga!  (Maybe Caligula’s, though.)

This is me doing my “Goddess” wave.

And this is me showing off my “Temple of Love!” ;-)

The party was a huge success (for us at least. I haven’t heard/read any other accounts of it yet.) The venue was amazing and the size of the party absolutely perfect. We met several new couples, I practiced handing out our “swinger calling cards,” W was amazingly adept at introducing us to new people and not letting me sit on the sidelines and watch, we had a little bit of fun in a sex swing (no, I didn’t get the public fisting I had hoped for from my Kinky Bucket List, but we were no slouches, lol) and had some yummy sex (with each other) in the “play” room. I think I might have gotten flirted with by some lovely ladies (a couple that actually read this blog, a joy and a surprise in and of itself – hello there!!) ;-) and maybe a boy or two as well!  And with W “opening up” conversation with people (my least favorite part of any party) I swung (pun intended!) into full social butterfly mode and made W proud of me (I think) by flitting about and talking to lots and lots of people.  And best of all (to me)? He knew exactly when I was peopled out.  No, he didn’t give in and let me go home right then (he is MUCH more the cocktail party animal than I am!) but that was good. I need to be pushed a little beyond my comfort level at these sort of things, and he knows it. That’s how well he knows me, and how well we work together.  We really were a smashing team.

And my costume was a huge success!

And then there was Sunday. Hard to believe I had scheduled myself so heavily over the weekend. I know myself well enough to know that I need time and quiet to recharge. But really, it couldn’t be helped. I didn’t want to miss my Friday date, the party on Sat was something W was totally looking forward to, and the NaNoWriMo Pre-Kick-Off party was something I had never attended and didn’t want to miss.

Except I almost did.

First I tried to weasel out of it by just deciding I was too tired, but Ad was having none of that. And truthfully, I know he would have been disappointed in me if I’d bailed on the writing thing because of a swinger party.  W was also insistent that I go, and furthermore, he knows me well enough to know that I was feeling anti-social enough that I might go and not speak a word to anyone except the one friend I was meeting, which would have been a shame. So he gave me the imperative that I was required to meet and talk to two other people besides my friend T that I was meeting there. So, I got ready to go…but realized as I was getting out of the tub that I was running behind. I arrived 15 minutes late…and, for a moment, almost let myself use that as an excuse not to go in.

Almost.

Really what made me go in was the fact that an old friend, whom I hadn’t seen in more than five years, but who had recently moved back to town, had said she was going to be there.  I couldn’t just not show up! So in I went, and was surprised and delighted to finally meet Malflic after having chatted back and forth on Twitter and our blogs for some time. And it’s a good thing I did, because my friend never showed up herself! I was bitterly disappointed, but…such is life. I ended up having a great time (even when the subject of 50 Shades of Grey came up because I said I was writing erotica.)

But oh yeah I was ready for something different when I got done! And that different turned out to be meeting the Guys at the Zoo to play with the Letter Z. We had a great time (and I am so sad to see the Alphabet Challenge going away!) We continued on our merry way to supper at a favorite pizza dive here, and a pitcher of beer later, we were at W’s, playing with rope. There was something I wanted to do, and I talked the Guys into giving it a try. Unfortunately, for whatever reason, it didn’t come together the way we had hoped…but never fear, the next night it did (more about that in another post!)

And that, my friends, was my weekend playing Social Butterfly!  How was your weekend?

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Wicked Wednesday – Images from Anal August

I posted our Anal August Scorecard earlier, so now I figured I’d post some images from the fun we had as well.

The Njoy tied in – and the girl flogged with it in.

Figging for the second time.

Ready (I hope!) for anal stretching.

A first try at anal whipping. W did not succeed. “We need more hands for this,” he said.

We found two more. “Are you ready to have your little asshole whipped?” I know, I *look* like I am, but I really wasn’t. Ouch!

Lighting the candle.

Ready – or not – for the anal beads. This time not the “nice” way.

The inflatable, vibrating buttplug.

Wicked Wednesday – It’s Time for the Next Letter in the Alphabet: H!

Yeah, yeah, I went out of order with the Letter L, but I’m back in order now.

H is for Hot Tub. We had lots of fun at a friend’s house, playing in their hot tub in their backyard.

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Wicked Wednesday – Letting Myself off the “Hook”

I had another post all ready to go for this week’s Wicked Wednesday, but last night, after a particularly interesting solo play session, and in light of the fact that it is Anal August, I figured this picture/text would be more timely.

One of the Specifications of the month is to wear my Njoy at least 4 hours/day, barring medical issues. I’ve been doing well, wearing it daily, and when I am able (an unexpected medical issue early in the month prevented some adherence to the rule) wearing it for the required time. Yesterday was the exception.

I was home alone all day yesterday, and I could have worn it for the required time. In fact I probably could have worn it for longer. But…I was lazy.  And there was no one here to Boss me about, or praise me for doing it (yeah I’m one of those – always need someone telling me I’ve done well) so I put it off and put it off, until about 8:15 pm, when, regardless of the fact that no one had checked up on me, my own sense of responsibility prodded me to do what I was supposed to do, and insert the damn thing.

Which meant that I had to stay awake till past midnight to get in the required time (something I do regularly, but with a 5:30 am wake time, can cause me to be tired and cranky the next day.)

At about 10:30 W and I exchanged emails. I told him about the late Njoy insertion, and playfully complained about having to stay up. “Take it out and go to bed,” was his pragmatic response. “You can make up the time another day.”

This was not the response I was looking for. First of all, it was my own fault I had to stay up late to make up the time.  I shouldn’t get let off the hook for lack of preparedness on my part. Secondly…well, if it had been me on the top end, I’d have devised a way to make it fun and/or a challenge/funishment. (Yeah, you probably don’t ever want to see me as a Top. I may suck at the physical/beating up part, but the mental games part? Watch out.)

So…I Topped myself.

“Okay, Jade,” I told myself. “You can take it out early, but only if you find a non-anal toy and fuck yourself with it (thus completing a different specification from the list.) And take a picture of it. And post it in your blog, along with the story of how you failed to complete your daily requirement because you were too lazy to do so.” (Oh I’m a mean one, aren’t I?)

I don’t know if this will mitigate me having to make up the 90 minutes I didn’t get to log with the Njoy in, but at least it was a fun way to “get out of” staying up till midnight to make sure I got my time in!

(Check out this post to see what the Hook is all about.)

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Friday Faves – Aug 2. And a little Anal August update.

My (sometimes) weekly favorites from Wicked Wednesday, Sinful Sunday & occasionally around the ‘net.

Erotic Adventures: What Happened in Myers I loved the ending to this. Also, it reminded me of my own adventure in a changing room… <wondering if I ever posted on it>  Hmm, it appears not. Another addition to my mile-long list of Things That Must Be Blogged About??

Kira’s Kink: Kneel  She has such a beautiful back…

My Hot Raven: Voyeur The images in the mirror remind me of one of my favorite sets on Bondage Demons. It was one of the first of his “collections” that I got the nerve up to look at (when were brand new!) I don’t know who the woman is, but the way that W took the photos and tells the story is as a “Watcher” seeing it all surreptitiously.  It’s really hot.  If you have access (I think it is a Members Only collection) it is in Collection 5 and called “The Attic.” Meanwhile, check out My Hot Raven’s photos – very hot too!

Walk on the Wild Side: Bikini Time What I like about this picture is…the sand on her butt. I don’t why! It’s just…sexy. Makes me want to get nasty in the sand now. :-D

Hubman’s Hangout: Lazy An absolutely perfect way to spend a lazy Sunday. How nice of his wife to capture a pic for us!

I include this last one as a segue into my Anal August Update: Mayhems & Mishaps of a Minx.

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So yeah, it’s the 3rd of August! Anal August has begun. Unfortunately, with the start of August I also had a doctor appointment, at which time I was given medication that causes my stomach to be…less than “Anal August” friendly. I’m not going into any more detail than that. So…medical dispensations have been issued for anything too invasive, though I am still attempting to wear my plug for at least some time each day. Monday it was 2.5 hours, yesterday 2 hours, and tonight I will be wearing it out to a movie with the Guys, and for as long afterward as I can manage.

W’s also been eyeballing my current Fetlife profile pic of Hello Kitty with a bit of displeasure, and said that an anal caning may be in my future. “I may need to add an anal caning as the Kitty image persists on FetLife and a mere beating may not erase it from my memory banks.” I don’t know whether to leave it up or take it down! lol

Also…W purchased the Njoy Pure Plug 2.0 Monday night!

Click on the image for the full specs on Eden Fantasys for this monster, but here’s a synopsis:

Length:  4 3/4″  Insertable length: 3 3/4″  Circumference:  5 1/2″  Diameter: 2″  Neck diameter: 1″  Weight: 1.10 lb
That’s over a POUND of metal in my ass. Yeah, I’m a little nervous!

As for why the last picture in my Friday Favorites is a good segue to this update…?  Well, I already have an offer from a couple of female friends to assist in strap-on anal! The idea makes me scared and wet all at once.

And…that’s all I got for now. Stay tuned for more updates soon though!

Wicked Wednesday – Anal August

Since this Wednesday is the first of August, I have a special post. This August, as I hinted at here, W has dubbed “Anal August” and has written up some Rules and Protocols for the month, all having to do with – you guessed it – my ass. These procedures are all in the interests of achieving the goal of me getting my ass fisted one day, as I said I wanted to on my Kinky Bucket List. Whether or not we ever achieve that goal is really immaterial – it’s the getting there that’s the fun part! ;-)

Or ouchie part. We’ll see.

Following are the procedures he sent to me. He directed me to post them here and to invite suggestions – and, if there are any local women out there that might be interested in helping to fulfill a couple of them, since that’s not something he has the right equipment for, feel free to send a note his way. You can use the Picture Request Form or, if you are on Fetlife, send him a note there. You can find his profile listed on mine.

Anal August Specifications and Policies

  • The standard Njoy butt plug must be worn a minimum of four hours per day. Medical necessity or prudence is the only exception to this policy.
  • A butt plug must be worn to work on at least five occasions.
  • A butt plug must be worn on an evening date on at least two occasions.
  • The Njoy plug should be worn for successively longer periods to determine a practical norm. The goal for this should be 8 – 10 hours without removal.A maximum wearing duration for the Njoy plug should be recorded.
  • The Njoy plug should be worn during at least one exercise session.
  • The Njoy plug should be worn for at least one hike.
  • At least once per week a succession of larger plugs shall be inserted with the objective of achieving long term wear capability for the largest size.
  • An objective of wearing the Njoy Pure Plug 2.0 at least six hours in a public venue.
  • An inflatable plug will be used with the objective of gentle stretching.
  • An inflatable plug will be used with the objective of discomfort.
  • At least six non-plug insertables will be used anally.
  • A candle insertion will be made. The candle will be lit.
  • An ass hook will be used.
  • Anal beads will be used during and without vaginal sex.
  • Anal vibration will be investigated.
  • During public outings at least five non-partners will be made aware that you are plugged.
  • Anal penetration is available during any sexual encounter for the entire month. This includes sexual penetration by strangers.  Anal penetration may not be refused. (The operation need not be completed, but attempts must be allowed.)
  • W will complete anal penetration during each sexual encounter in August.
  • Ad is encouraged to complete anal penetration during each sexual encounter in August.
  • Anal stretching exercises will be in effect all month.  A single finger will be inserted randomly at any time. An objective for the end of the month is that four fingers be inserted up to the last knuckle.
  • Two handed anal stretching will be employed on at least two occasions.
  • Figging will be employed on at least two occasions. Freshly peeled, and seasoned.
  • At least three enemas will be administered. Hot water, cold water, and a non-water substance.
  • Be whipped on the asshole.

Available options if other females volunteer:

  • Have a strap-on used anally by another female.
  • Have a double anal dildo used by another female.

So there you have it!  And yes, today two objectives were met: I wore my Njoy and W fucked me in the ass this morning. :-D

Happy Anal August!

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Wicked Wednesday – I’m the Entertainment

The prompt this week was a drawing by Francisco José de Goya called “Caught in the Act.”  While my post this week doesn’t exactly fit the theme, W did “catch me in the act,” so to speak, so I’m gonna count this one as “theme-worthy.”

(Continued from this post, in which W takes me to his friend’s hotel room to provide “entertainment” for a friend of his in town for the baseball game.)

At first it appeared that it might actually be three of them (plus W) but it only ended up being T, someone W had allowed to use me before. (Interestingly enough, I never did write much about that time, but I posted some additional pictures and a tidbit or two of that night here and here.) W’s friend has a massive cock, and it was a challenge to get it deep enough in my mouth the first time, but I’ve been practicing and did much better this time.

I think W was proud of me!

For more Wednesday Wickedness, click the link below, and come back Friday for my favorites from this month’s e[lust] and the past two week’s Wicked Wednesdays and Sinful Sundays!

Wicked Wednesday – A Scavenger Hunt from the Big Easy

We actually managed several Scavenger Hunts while out and about in New Orleans.

This is the first of them: Balcony.

Flashing may be the order of the day on Bourbon Street, but I have never really been comfortable with it before, nor ever done it! This made me feel especially wicked, as well, because I had to ask one of several young men sitting at a table across from us on the balcony if they would take the snap.

“Sure!” he readily agreed.

I could see his eyes go wide when he saw my “accoutrements,” but he never asked about them. Later, as we were leaving, though, I heard him whisper to his friend. “Did you see those things she was wearing?” I like to imagine that curiosity about them will have him thinking and wondering about them long after the other run-of-the-mill tittie flashers have faded from his memory…

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