tell me about: sexual health – masturbation

I wonder why masturbation became such a shameful activity? It’s healthy, good for mind and body, is a simple way to inject pleasure into one’s life, and doesn’t need anyone else or anything but yourself to accomplish. (Well, most times it doesn’t need anything – some folks do need or prefer mechanical or other physical aids to get themselves to orgasm. I’m one of them. I can make myself come with my fingers, but it’s so much easier with a vibrator, and one vibrator-style in particular – a Hitachi-type – so I almost always use it, with or without various other toys.) But I – like so many other people – am filled with embarrassment and shame about masturbating – even though I find it super sexy and hot when others do it! The topic is even hard for me to write about (which is why I am writing about it.)

What is also challenging for me is getting into the mental space to have a self-pleasuring session. Without a dominant in my life telling me to do so, masturbation takes a back seat to everything else, and I often don’t think of it until I can’t sleep at night (another benefit t of masturbating – it can be a sleep aid.) This use of masturbation would probably be the one I would do, dominant or no, but unfortunately I’ve swallowed the “feel shame for masturbating” kool-aide, and so can’t bring myself to do so next to my sleeping partner. So now, living with Ad, I seldom use masturbating to help me sleep. I even talked to him about it (red-faced, embarrassed, trying to adult and failing), and asked him if it would bother him if I did. He of course said no – but I still can’t bring myself to go there. So I get up and go to my bedroom, but by that time I’ve woken fully up, and lost the half-asleep-jerk-myself-off-into-full-sleep mental space.

In preparation for this piece, I masturbated yesterday in the middle of the day. Even home alone, though, I had to go up into my bedroom, shut the door and get under the covers. Ridiculous for a grown woman! But that’s how deeply the feeling of shame and embarrassment runs in me. I tried again last night, in desperation when I couldn’t sleep, but couldn’t get to an orgasm. It was frustrating and ultimately more unsatisfying than if I had not tried at all. I really needed my kink-partner- on-hiatus’s words in my ear, his nasty stories in my mind, his instruction and direction, to get me there.

I remember some delightful sessions where my kink partner and I played with that shame – he was very good at those games, ordering me to masturbate in deliberately humiliating places and ways, and it was defininitely not the effort it is to get to orgasm the way it is now, when I do it without his direction. A lot of my mental kink is playing with those edges, those things that feel taboo, and he used those spaces a lot in our psychological play. I miss those games with him, acutely. I wonder if he misses them too?

I thought about doing a “daily” masturbation session for this piece, each time with a different toy, and reporting on them, but I am not sure I could commit to it. For one thing, I’d have to do it during the day if I wanted privacy, or tell Ad what I was doing and go off into my bedroom of an evening, and that feels embarrassing – the kind of embarrassing that doesn’t get me off (shame games don’t work with he and I because we don’t have that dynamic.) And because he is not in a sexual space right now, that notion is even more fraught with anxiety for me (what does he think, is he sad I’m not sharing it with him) – not a good place from whence to start a sexy session.

But maybe I should do it anyway to normalize it? Okay, so he’s not in a place where he wants sexual activity, but that doesn’t mean I’ve stopped being sexual (this goes for my kink partner’s headspace as well) so maybe I need to take back that space for myself. I dunno. Sounds all gung-ho and strong, modern woman, but the reality is what I’ve said up there – it just doesn’t work very well without being directed to it.

Anyway, in anticipation of maybe trying to do a “once a day, different toy,” marathon, I thought I’d get an establishing shot – here’s my sex toy stash! If it happens, I won’t be reporting on it daily (way too much pressure that I know I’d never make good on!) but I might do “round-up” posts. Keep an eye out for them – and let me know if any of these look particularly interesting – that might help get me over the “hump” late at night when I need something extra to get there!

kink of the week – love me some leather

The Canadian has requested that I do a scene write-up for the scene that I had in which I received these lovely marks. I figured it would be a fine write-up for leather as well, since all of these marks were made with leather implements.

I had spent the weekend with a couple who are friends of mine, and with whom I have played before. But much more than just play, they are beloved friends, and care for me as much as I do them. They had asked me what kind of weekend I wanted: friends only, boating, dinner, drinks, play? They know about The Hiatus and they did not want to push or to even suggest anything, not knowing where my head – and heart – was at.

“I really, really need to play,” I said. It had been months, and though I had had a couple other opportunities, they were not with people that I felt such a bond with. I wanted to feel safe, to feel loved, to feel appreciated – all while getting my ass beat.

And I did. We got back after being on the boat all day and having a sunset dinner and I laid out all the toys I had brought with me (they told me to bring toys I wanted to play with, that I felt comfortable with.) Then I laid down over this soft-sided coffee table, and then, first one, M, the husband, and then V, his wife, took turns. Floggers to warm up, crops to tease, paddles to punctuate. They would build up to a point and then back down, in tandem, back and forth. And then M took out his belt. That’s what got my butt so red. I LOVE a leather belt. In fact I had asked W several times to just get a variety of belts and do a whole scene of belting me. We never did, though I imagine in time we would have. So this was very satisfying. And mostly they stayed on my ass, which was good.

But then I knew I needed more. “Please,” I said, the jambock, on my thighs.” I needed the intensity of the heavy-cored, leather-braided implement.

There was no hesitation. V had M scoot around onto the ottoman we were using and pulled me up between his thighs so he could control me, and she took the jambock – and eventually, the dragontail – to my thighs. I had bruising for days, and a couple places where the dragontail had split the skin.

I didn’t think I was done when they stopped – then they stopped and I knew I had been done, I just hadn’t known it. I love it when a playpartner knows me that well. I curled into a ball at their feet and fairly purred for a half an hour, before standing gingerly, cleaning up my toys, and falling into bed.

As I mentioned, I love the feel of leather. Leather belts in particular bring an added emotional charge, but any kind of leather on my skin. Soft elkskin, hard leather straps, belts, tightly rolled crops, singletails, the falls of floggers. I don’t particularly like to wear leather, but I love to have it used on me. And I am grateful it was used on me that weekend so skillfully.

#sinfulsunday – sucking (in a good way)

The Canadian told me he had read an old blog post of mine, The Joy of Sucking Cock (which is, possibly not surprisingly, one of my most-read blog posts.)

Based on that, “Your task today,” he said, “is to demonstrate yourself sucking 6 different cocks – bio or not.” Now, I don’t have one bio cock I can demo on at the moment, but I have plenty of pretend ones. And look! My lipstick lessons came in good stead as well.

This also goes along well with this month’s theme: “I am…”

“I am a happy little cocksucker!”

My favorite is the bottom right. What’s yours?

Go checked out all the other Sunday Sinners, telling us about who they are!

a to z challenge – p is for pikachu

But probably not the Pikachu you may know (and, if you’re me, love – yep, I’m a Pokemon Go player, and I wanna catch’em all! Okay, I’ll stop there. But seriously, if you play and want to friend me, I’m PiecesofJade on there too – I always like to gather new Pokie friends!) Anyway, this post is only tangentially about something Pikachu-like, but it made the “p” for the Alphabet Challenge work, so here we are:

That’ right, it’s a Pikachu Buttplug. As my local kink partner used to say – anything can be made kinky. So what’s up with the Pikachu buttplug? Well, I’ve started accepting tasks from my long distance dominant partner, M (the Canadian, as I usually refer to him.)

This hiatus that my local kink partner and I are on is necessary for us both, but it’s left a vacuum in my life where I used to have the structure of a loving, rules-based D/s relationship. (It’s also left a big hole where there used to be sex and kink, but that’s another story.) Now, I am not rushing in to have those needs met by just anyone else. What we had was deep and abiding, and can’t be replaced by some dial-a-Dom on the internet. Nor am I ready to give up entirely on it coming back to us, and as such, that part of my submission truly is still his to Own, if he ends up wanting it back. But meanwhile…meanwhile, there is this hole inside of me, there are these needs I have.

Step in – and up – My Canadian. He knows me as well as any, and he recognized that I’ve been kind of floundering about without the structure that D/s provides, and he asked if I would like to engage in some D/s-based activities with him while things get figured out with my local partner. I miss the structure of rules-based D/s, and he has always wanted to engage in more D/s with me, but the situation and timing was never right for us to do much in this way. It appears that time is nigh – I agreed, and here we are.

Week One of beauty’s tasks!

Today’s task:

It’s “Yellow Monday.
Wear one item of yellow clothing;
eat one yellow food;
find a song with yellow in the title;
find a yellow sex toy (either owned or on the internet.)”

I was not really surprised to realize I don’t have a yellow sex toy. I thought one of my glass toys would have yellow on it but was disappointed that none of them do. Oh well, that meant I could go window shopping online. And how fortuitous – someone actually wrote an entire article about yellow sex toys! And that, of course, is where I found the Piky Buttplug.

Next up, I had to finnd something yellow to wear. Strangely enough, yellow isn’t part of my wardrobe. I couldn’t even locate an blouse with yellow on it, though I know I have a summer dress or two with yellow flowers on it, but I haven’t unpacked all my summer clothes yet. But hey, I have a bright yellow jacket! So, maybe not sexy…or, maybe…?

I like that it matches my butterfly.
And check out my pandemic hair! It’s grow out a lot.

Next up, find a song with Yellow in the title. “Yellow Submarine”? How about “Tie a Yellow Ribbon ‘Round the Old Oak Tree”? Nope, I went with something a little more modern, from one of my favorite bands, Counting Crows, “Big Yellow Taxi.”

And lastly, a yellow food. How about some canned peaches! (Yumm it will soon be time for fresh peaches…)


And there you have it. A Pikachu (and etc.) Task completed.

Playing with Toys

I don’t do official sex toy reviews, mostly because I don’t feel qualified to discuss issues about product safety, etc., and if you get those things wrong, well, bad things can happen. So I leave that to the pros. But I do use sex toys, both with partners and alone, and sometimes I write about those experiences. You know, because sex and sex toys are fun. :-)

A friend of mine posted an image of her orgasm tabulation for the year (hashtags that equaled approximately 10x the number of orgasms I have had this year so far) and I felt, well, a little embarrassed by my lack. NOT the correct response, and not what she intended, I am sure. I love her sexual energy and wish, sometimes, that I could capture it, could breathe it in and let it fill me up. Instead, so often, what’s going on in my environment, and in my relationships, inhibits me from enjoying my sexuality. And there’s a lot going on in my environment that I allow to affect me adversely, both globally and personally.

Sexual energy is good energy, healthy energy. It buoys one up, even if one isn’t having intercourse, in fact it oftentimes has nothing to do with intercourse. A lot, if not most, of my sexual energy comes from interactions with my kink partner(s), and attempts by me to establish some sort of daily sexual ritual have always failed, mostly because I don’t interact with them in that way on a daily basis. There used to be a lot more of that energy, but the pandemic has tamped that down a lot, and oftentimes I don’t even think of myself as a sexual person. I am a (sometime) submissive, I am a (sometime) lover, I am a girlfriend and a life-partner, a mother, a coworker, a friend. Those roles don’t often make room for a “sexual being.”

I’d like that to change. I’d like sexual energy and joy to be as much a part of my existence as any other. I believe our society shames women who insist on exploring and celebrating our sexuality after a certain age and I want to combat that in my own life. I can’t force sexual feelings, but I can be open to giving myself opportunities to experience it, and take those opportunities when they arise. I settled down with a new sex toy the other evening after work with exactly that thought in mind.

I love the idea of having my clit sucked deeply by a machine or toy, or even, when I fantasize about having a clit-cock, by a human. I’ve played with the Womanizer, a pricey clit-sucking toy, before, hoping the reality matched my fantasies, but it didn’t work out that way for me. The pressure on my clit was too pinpointed and uncomfortable. Eventually, with a lot of work trying to find the right spot, I could come, but it was an almost painful sensation. It became a toy that my kink partner used as an occasional torture device rather than one about sexual pleasure, and after a couple times, never saw the outside of my sex toy box again.

Then the other day I saw a review for this toy. It’s called the Sohimi Clitoral-Sucking Vibrator (a brand I’ve never heard of.) There were a number of things that convinced me to give it a try: it has a curved g-spot insertable with vibrations, a wider “mouth” for my clit, and it was really affordable. The big mouth on it was the real selling point. Many times I have thought, if the sucking area could just suck all of my clit in, like a wide, grasping mouth – well, that’s part of the fantasy in my head. It could work. And at that price, how could I resist?

I’m glad I didn’t resist. The first time with the toy was not great, and I was sure it was going to be another Womanizer fiasco. I did have an orgasm, but it was…strange. It built up and up, never really finding the right place but using the g-spot stim to push me to the edge…but when I got there… Poof. It was over. I like a lot of clit stimulation, and it just didn’t deliver.

But then I tried it again. I didn’t want to give up without really giving it a chance. I used lube this time, unlike before, and rather than just focusing on the sensations, I let myself drift into fantasy, imagining I was strapped down to a table and this sucking machine was being strapped to me, forced upon me. Suddenly it was a wide-mouthed sucking machine, and I was helpless against it. I spread my labia wide and experimented with the various speeds, and, since the body of the toy is somewhat pliable, I was able to maneuver it against my g-spot better, rocking it in micro-pulses so the suction actually pulled on my clit while the vibrator stroked my g-spot. And that did it! It wasn’t a screaming orgasm, and it was far more pin-pointed and focused than other orgasms, but it was pleasurable, and I liked that I took the time to coax it out of my body. That it wasn’t the slam-bam-thank-you-ma’am of my Hitachi.

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Okay, had to take a break to give it another go, after writing about it turned me on.

Yep! It worked, just like before. It takes a lot more patience than I usually have when I want to orgasm. And it doesn’t have the power of my Baldy (Hitachi) orgasms. But it was a fun way to re-introduce myself to my own sexuality here in the new year, a fun way to play, and a nice bit of self-care here on a morning when I needed it.

And now, I’m off to yoga and maybe run, because it’s my day for it, and – even if I resist doing it – I always feel better after. Oh, and then packing and grocery shopping and I had had vague plans to hike this afternoon, but the cold weather is impacting that decision, so we’ll see.

Oh, and guess what? I finally finished the 12 Tasks of Christmas! I’ll write a post about it soon.

Mindset of a Plugged Girl

My Owner is an inveterate, unapologetic scientist at heart.  A mad scientist, but a scientist, none-the-less.  Today he sent me an email, after I had updated him on my Anal August doings of last night and today (six hours plugged during sleep, worn today for about two hours before bodily functions dictated I remove it, with the plan to reinsert before going out with the GirlChild tonight for her industrial piercing.) In it he said that he is interested in the ramifications of long-term use of a plug, both in physical terms and in the mindset of being a “plugged girl.” And it occurred to me that I hadn’t shared exactly what I had done today.

What I hadn’t shared with him was that while yes, I had inserted the plug and then removed it for bodily functions – I had then reinserted it. And once again I had worn it until I was forced to remove it again for the same reason, this time leaving it out until this evening when I go out with my daughter. It was that act – reinserting it – that is significant to me, and perhaps to him, if  the “plugged girl mindset” is something he is interested in.

Because it was my desire to wear it that made me reinsert it.

It wasn’t the number of hours I am required to wear it. I knew I’d make my four hours later tonight. It wasn’t that he made me put it back in, or had told me I had to wear it at work.

It was that I wanted to wear it.  I wanted it in there, snug inside my body, reminding me of this game we are playing. Reminding me of him.

I know, for him, what will and probably does turn him on about this is the idea of  “subjugation.” This plug = subjugation to him. I guess, in its rawest terms, it does mean that. And yet…really…what it is about – to me – is submission.

He’s not standing over me, holding me down and shoving it into my body as he does when he pushes me down on the bed and fucks my ass. He’s not even demanding that I wear it or forcing me to.

But, because he wants me to, I want to.  And…as I have started to wear it more often and to more places, I have come to feel…almost comforted by it, by the feel of the heavy steel, by knowing it’s there, for him, because I submit to him.

It’s not always comfortable, and ever since I shot it out of my ass I am terrified I might do so again, but…when I wear it thoughts of him are not far from my mind. Yes, sexual thoughts. Daydreams and anxieties about the other things on his list. Thoughts about his and Ad’s fingers and cocks in my ass. Thoughts about other implements…and other tortures. But overriding those are simply…the knowledge of his Ownership of my body. Of these things that I allow him to do to me and that I do for him.

My submission to him.

Almost like…a collar.

And now, if you’ll excuse me, I have to go put my collar – er, plug – back in.

Friday Faves – Aug 2. And a little Anal August update.

My (sometimes) weekly favorites from Wicked Wednesday, Sinful Sunday & occasionally around the ‘net.

Erotic Adventures: What Happened in Myers I loved the ending to this. Also, it reminded me of my own adventure in a changing room… <wondering if I ever posted on it>  Hmm, it appears not. Another addition to my mile-long list of Things That Must Be Blogged About??

Kira’s Kink: Kneel  She has such a beautiful back…

My Hot Raven: Voyeur The images in the mirror remind me of one of my favorite sets on Bondage Demons. It was one of the first of his “collections” that I got the nerve up to look at (when were brand new!) I don’t know who the woman is, but the way that W took the photos and tells the story is as a “Watcher” seeing it all surreptitiously.  It’s really hot.  If you have access (I think it is a Members Only collection) it is in Collection 5 and called “The Attic.” Meanwhile, check out My Hot Raven’s photos – very hot too!

Walk on the Wild Side: Bikini Time What I like about this picture is…the sand on her butt. I don’t why! It’s just…sexy. Makes me want to get nasty in the sand now. :-D

Hubman’s Hangout: Lazy An absolutely perfect way to spend a lazy Sunday. How nice of his wife to capture a pic for us!

I include this last one as a segue into my Anal August Update: Mayhems & Mishaps of a Minx.

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So yeah, it’s the 3rd of August! Anal August has begun. Unfortunately, with the start of August I also had a doctor appointment, at which time I was given medication that causes my stomach to be…less than “Anal August” friendly. I’m not going into any more detail than that. So…medical dispensations have been issued for anything too invasive, though I am still attempting to wear my plug for at least some time each day. Monday it was 2.5 hours, yesterday 2 hours, and tonight I will be wearing it out to a movie with the Guys, and for as long afterward as I can manage.

W’s also been eyeballing my current Fetlife profile pic of Hello Kitty with a bit of displeasure, and said that an anal caning may be in my future. “I may need to add an anal caning as the Kitty image persists on FetLife and a mere beating may not erase it from my memory banks.” I don’t know whether to leave it up or take it down! lol

Also…W purchased the Njoy Pure Plug 2.0 Monday night!

Click on the image for the full specs on Eden Fantasys for this monster, but here’s a synopsis:

Length:  4 3/4″  Insertable length: 3 3/4″  Circumference:  5 1/2″  Diameter: 2″  Neck diameter: 1″  Weight: 1.10 lb
That’s over a POUND of metal in my ass. Yeah, I’m a little nervous!

As for why the last picture in my Friday Favorites is a good segue to this update…?  Well, I already have an offer from a couple of female friends to assist in strap-on anal! The idea makes me scared and wet all at once.

And…that’s all I got for now. Stay tuned for more updates soon though!

Picture Request – 6×6 Matrix: Orgasm #6

As promised, the last of the orgasms inspired by the 6×6 Matrix Picture Request. Read about the rest here:  Orgasm #1, Orgasm #2, Orgasm #3, Orgasm #4 (Fail), Orgasm #4 (Success) and Orgasm #5.

Orgasm #6

1. 6 orgasms in one day – #6

2. 6 different hours of the day – 8:14 PM

3. 6 different locations – Hotel room, Memphis

4. 6 different positions – On my hands and knees, with one knee up on the coffee table

5. 6 different masturbation toys – Favorite wooden dildo

6. 6 different kink accessories – Special nipple clamps

By the time we got to the hotel, I was pretty exhausted. Six hours of orgasms may sound like a lot of fun but…

Okay, it is a lot of fun. But exhausting! I wasn’t even sure I had another one in me.

“Oh yeah, you got another one in you,” W said. And he set up the scene.

One leg up on the coffee table in the center of the hotel room.

I chose my favorite wooden dildo. It needed a little “fluffing” to get it up. ;-)

Special clamps that W made. They are actually quite nice. I love the firm pressure they provide. Also? They are kind of pretty. In a woodshop project sort of way.

I got down to business.

Working it…

Another success!

Apparently, I did have another one in me.

To send in your own Picture Request, click here to fill out a Picture Request form!

Picture Request – 6×6 Matrix: Orgasm #4 – A Do-Over & Success!

Success!  Here’s my initial failure.

The Guys made me try again once I got back to the car.  I actually kind of whined about it. I had tried, I had failed. On to the next thing, right?  But no, they were determined that I should succeed at the challenge set before me…

I was actually afraid W might make me use the Njoy in my ass…the side with the balls is made for that sort of play, and I’ve never used it like that (or had it used on me – more’s the pity.) (How many times does a girl got to hint?) ;-) But he let me use it in my cunt, which the curved side is made perfectly for.

I actually tried with my hand first, but…no “joy.” My head was not in the right place (“I gotta poo!” was still ringing in my ears.)

So W relented and let me use Baldy.

That did the trick.

And after, as a bonus, I was so sensitive that when I put my hand back down there, I came again with the Njoy giving me a powerful g-spot orgasm as well.

I love my Njoy! (And the Guys for making me do a do-over.) ;-)

PS – There might be a bonus click-thru. :-D

Picture Request – 6×6 Matrix: Orgasm #4 – FAIL

Up to this point, Orgasms 1, 2 and 3 had gone down pretty seamlessly.

Number 4 was my first FAIL.

Orgasm #4 – FAIL

1. 6 orgasms in one day – #4

2. 6 different hours of the day – 5:20 PM

3. 6 different locations – Gas station, somewhere off Hwy 55, north of Memphis

4. 6 different positions – On the toilet in the gas station bathroom

5. 6 different masturbation toys – My Njoy Pure Wand

6. 6 different kink accessories – Chains connected to my cunt rings

I have a thing about being made to do nasty things in bathrooms. Probably goes along with my whole bodily-fluids issue.  Add to that memories of the many nasty gas stations bathrooms I have encountered in road trips back and forth across our fine nation, and you have the makings of a hot set-up (one of my dirtiest fantasies is to be shoved down on a dirty, nasty, mens’ bathroom floor (or maybe even into that disgusting pee trough they used to have in them? – EWW!) – and fucked by a couple (or maybe 12) men, then pissed on and left. Yeah, maybe I shouldn’t confess to how thoroughly disgusting and twisted some of my fantasies are.) Anyway…!

This wasn’t it.

While the idea was hot…(go in the bathroom, wearing your chains, and fuck yourself on the toilet)…the implementation didn’t quite work out the way we planned.

Walking into the gas station convenience store, my chains clearly visible.

My first indication that this wasn’t going to work was the sheer number of people in the aisles of the store. I am not such an exhibitionist that I don’t care if people see my perversions…I love the idea of wearing something that might be visible, like the tit collars, or that is only known to my Owner and I, like a buttplug, but I really don’t like freaking the ‘nillas out. Especially when there are kids around.

And there were…like 5 or 6 of the little monsters, milling about, whining for candy, and generally freaking me out a bit.

Still, I did as told and went into the bathroom, my face (I am sure) burning.

The condition of the bathroom was my second clue that things were not quite what I had envisioned.

Spacious, clean and sanitary, it also had two stalls, with only 3/4 walls between them.

Not exactly the dirty bathroom fantasy I had in my head (nor W’s, as he confirmed later.)

But I tried anyway.

Sitting on the toilet, trying to snap a pic with one hand and keep my chains from hitting the water with the other.

There was just no way it was going to work.

  1. I couldn’t manage the Njoy, and keep the chains from either clanking against and the porceline or falling into the toilet while diddling myself.
  2. Keeping the chains from clanking became absolutely necessary when one of the store patrons came in – dragging in her whining, sniveling kid with her.

Still, I figured if I could get off without the Njoy, it would still be a win. I held the chains with one hand and began to “do the deed” with the other. From the other side of the stall came the following conversation:

“Wait, Tommy, just hang on, Mommy’s gotta go pee.” <Sounds of fussing, whining kid.>

“No, Tommy! Don’t put your hand there!” <More whining.>

“Don’t open that door!”

“Put your wee-wee back right now, young man! It’s not your turn yet. Lemme just finish poo-ing…”

That’s when I beat a hasty retreat.

But never fear, W ordered a do-over, once he and Ad had stopped laughing uproariously at my failure.