I’m not a pain slut. Regardless of what you may see and read here about the things I do, the things I enjoy, the things I allow myself to be put through–I’m not a pain slut. I don’t enjoy pain simply for the sake of pain. I enjoy it as part of a larger whole, as part of a whole experience that allows me to connect deeper or go deeper than I might otherwise. I also like the euphoria it engenders, I like the release it gives me, when my mind quiets and I am only focusing on my Top and the sensations.
That said, some things, some pain sensations, I do translate directly (or my body translates) into pleasure. I discovered that quite by accident.
The Ex and I had started along the road to exploring BDSM. He had me tied in a hogtie on the floor and had been spanking and teasing me, reaching down between my legs to stroke me, finger fuck me, play with me, before backing off to smack my butt with his hand or a crop that he was using. I was getting quite excited, and it wasn’t really pain play–the smacks were stingy but not harsh, and every smack translated directly into pleasure and only made me more excited.
Then he put some clothespins on my back and shoulders. I had never experienced them before, and was surprised by the intensity of the sensation-but I found that although it hurt initially, my body almost instantly converted those feelings into actual physical pleasure, and I began to get more and more excited. Every one he added (he only put on about 10) intensified that, until I was squirming and humping the floor. Moisture coated my thighs and soaked the blanket beneath me and I moaned uncontrollably. I had never orgasmed without direct and sustained clitoral stimulation, and, granted, I was in a high state of excitement prior to this, but when he took off the first clothespin, and I felt the painful/pleasurable sensation that evokes–I rocketed into an orgasm, instantly, with no manual stimulation. He removed the others in quick succession, leaving me spent after an explosive rolling orgasm that seemed to last for hours as he removed the clothespins.
We were both stunned at my reaction.
I’ve experienced clothespins-as-pleasure ever since, although when many are applied, the pleasure/pain line is sharper, and I experience longer periods of pain that eventually melts into pleasure again, as opposed to experiencing the pain directly as pleasure.
Another time that this happened was at a small kinky gathering at a place called The Farm, in Kentucky (I just did a quick search for it, but couldn’t locate anything online about it.) It was a weekend event with Midori, and somehow (haha) I ended up being a demo bottom for her caning seminar.
I had never experienced caning before, and frankly our forays into pain play were pretty light. The Ex was mostly into rope bondage and sex, with some light to medium sensation play. I wasn’t entirely certain I wanted to be hurt, and though I enjoyed spanking, canes seemed (to my unjaded mind, lol) to be fairly evil, at the far end of the “ouchie/heavy” spectrum. But hey, even then I had a yearning to play on the edges, and that, to me, was pretty edgy, especially in a roomful of strangers.
She started out lightly, constantly checking my pain/pleasure threshold. I was reacting fairly well–this, again, seemed to be pain that my body/mind interpreted as pleasure, but finally there was a point at which it was fairly intense. At that point she got out a Hitachi (my first experience with that as well) and lifted me up (I was bound, face down, on a mat.) She pushed the vibrator underneath me and instructed me to move myself into position to gain the most pleasure from it, and then proceeded to cane me, harder and harder. Soon the pain was blurred with the pleasure, and I was coming instead of wincing at the pain.
Since then I have had the opportunity to experience pain on many different levels, and for many other reasons than just to get me off. There are many emotional reasons I go through it, as well as physical ones. But mostly, I have learned (and quite recently) that I don’t go through it simply for the sensation. I need the connection between my Top and I for it to work, because what I get out out of it (if I am not having an orgasm, being stimulated sexually during it or experiencing actual physical pleasure from it) is so much more than just the physical sensations. It is the coming through to the other side with my Top that completes it for me, that allows me to go through it, that makes me want to go through it.