To fuck or not to fuck…

That is the question.

Sort of.

I have a possible third date with a guy to set up. He wants it very much, especially as it’s pretty obvious that where this date will go is into the bedroom.

That’s what he would like.

That’s what W would like.

Me?  Not so much. I mean, I probably wouldn’t hate it, but…I wouldn’t choose it.

There’s nothing inherently wrong with him.  He’s an okay guy.  But I am not terribly interested in “dating” just now, and frankly, I have come to realize that the only thing I get out of vanilla sex at the moment (unless it’s vanilla with my guys) is the yummy headfuck of doing it for W. Doing it for him gets me off.

Doing it because he tells me to gets me off even more.

And therein lies the rub, and the conundrum.  He’s giving me a choice again. He isn’t exactly telling me to do it…and yet I know it would make him hot if I did.  I want to please him. I want to do it for him. But I also want to be made to do it.  To be told to do it, because that makes me hot.

And yet…doing what I don’t want to do, choosing to do it because I know it will please him, satisfies something else inside me. It’s not…exactly…wet panties inducing; it doesn’t work quite like that.  It stirs something else inside of me, something that makes me want to do it, even if he doesn’t want to tell me to do so.

He wants me to feel used, to feel forced into it and thus degraded.  That’s the part that gets him off. If I were being told to do so, if I were being “forced” to fuck this guy, then yes, there would be that element (and it would be hot for that reason.) But if I choose to do it, it’s a whole ‘nuther thing.  He’s not going to get the subjugated Jade out of it, he’s going to get submissive Jade, the one that does things because she wants to please him.  And that doesn’t make me feel humiliated or used at all. That makes me proud, proud that I can please him, proud that I am the one that he wants to do these things, proud that I make him hot and can give him what he wants.  And that is altogether a different sort of Jade.

My question is, which Jade does he want?

4 Comments

  1. Jessica says:

    Hi Jade, I can understand your dilemma. I’ve never been attracted to men at all. However when I was Sarah’s slave one of the things that excited her was watching me with others. Sometimes this included men. What got me through these situations was the fact she desired it and as her slave I felt I had no choice in the matter to not do it. Being forced was so much more exiting. I know what your going through.

    ~Jessica~

  2. Juliette says:

    That is a very interesting distinction, subjugated vs. submissive. I haven’t heard it put quite that way before.

  3. Confessor X says:

    Great post! The dynamics of it all are just as intriguing as the question you ask yourself…

    Consensual non-consent…

    Giving in for a purpose that’s beyond your control…but within your own joyment…

    HOT!

  4. seraglioletters says:

    If he’s giving you a choice, doesn’t he want the version of you that gets to choose?

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