30 Days of Kink – Day 14: Real Life vs Fantasy

Day 14: How would you say real life BDSM/kink varies from fantasy BDSM/kink? If you haven’t experienced real life BDSM/kink how do you think it might differ?

Thru kink I have been able to live out some of my deepest, darkest fantasies.  Sometimes, the reality is even hotter than the fantasy. Occasionally, it’s not so much–but that doesn’t make it bad, certainly. Just…real.

I have a feeling that many will approach this topic from the viewpoint of the “reality” of living this stuff 24/7 as opposed to the fantasy.  I really have no authority to speak on that topic, because we don’t live it 24/7.  It’s about sex for us, about turning each other on and making our sex life hot, not about living a life of dominance and submission.  That concept so often fails to live up to people’s fantasies it’s amazing to me that people still hold it up as an example of what BDSM “should” be. A little reality check, please? But okay, maybe some people can make it work (and hats off to those that can.) But even within the concept of using BDSM just as sexy fun, sometimes the reality doesn’t live up to the fantasy.  While much of what we do is born out of a rich fantasy life and a desire to explore those fantasy themes, the reality of day to day life, even with the underlying D/s dynamic, is much more mundane. In fantasy we’re both always on, he’s always ready and wanting to dominate me, to tie me up and beat me and fuck me silly. I’m always at 100% physically, wanting and able to take whatever it is he wants to dish out, always wet, always horny.

Hate to break it to ya–even that last part isn’t always true.  Close, but not always. Sometimes he just doesn’t feel like it. Sometimes I’m unwell. Sometimes life gets in the way and we end up cuddling up together and just–sleeping. Sometimes a scene doesn’t quite live up to what we had envisioned when we started it.

This weekend was a prime example of fantasy vs reality. He and I and Ad went to a party at a friend’s. I expected play, but, for one reason or another, when we got there I just wasn’t feeling it. Later, at home, we all climbed into bed and (gasp) went to sleep.  Me, naked between my two guys, and all we did was sleep. Then today, I tried to engineer it so that I could head over to W’s for the playtime I wanted. Instead, life and kids intervened. So no play again.

Sometimes, it just works that way though. In fantasy, yeah, I’m naked and on my knees, bound with rope, sucking cock or getting fucked every night. In reality? Sometimes we just crawl into bed, put our arms around each other, and fall asleep.

See the rest of this series, and a list of others who are participating in this meme, on my 30 Days of Kink page.

1 Comment

  1. Elena says:

    And still your reality is really hot!

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