Conundrum

I spent my lunch hour yesterday trying on “destructible” slutwear at Goodwill. I feel a little bad about buying clothes there, knowing that their sole purpose is to be able to be destroyed.  What about all the sluts that can’t afford to shop anywhere else? I feel like I am stealing candy from a kid or something.

I haven’t actually said much about the possible “destructible” scenes that may happen at Fusion (and maybe even Tryst.)  Probably because I don’t know much about them – and that’s exactly the way I want it to be.  But it does set up a bit of a conundrum. What to wear??

I told W I don’t want to know when or even really “what” my potential kidnapping(s) will be like. That’s right – we’ve signed up for a kidnapping at Tryst and at Fusion. I know what his first choice for the Tryst one he sent in is, though not if it will happen – and not what his second scenario is. I have no clue about the Fusion one, though he has hinted that it may be rather dark…and told me that I’ll need to bring a couple outfits that I won’t mind having wrecked. And yesterday, from what he said, it sounds like there isn’t just one scene being set up, but two: a kidnapping and something else, something he has also hinted at being dark and dirty.

I’m excited about it all, but excited in the same way that my dog is around new people: he won’t look them in the face, instead looking at them from the corner of his eye, as though he can (sort of) pretend they don’t exist if he doesn’t look right at them.  I too am avoiding “looking these scenes in the eye.” I don’t want to think about them too hard – makes me anxious!

It’s a good anxious, though. W and I had a great conversation a while ago about how differently we each see the lead-up to play. I’ve always known that he is not a “planner.” He really doesn’t plan out his scenes much, if at all.  This is something that can be vexing to a diehard Planner Girl like me, as things like what to wear or what kind of music to play or even my attitude toward the scene often depends on what the scene is going to be, and most times he can’t tell me those things – because he is waiting until he gets there to decide what to do.  As an anticipation junkie, this is hard for me to grok, but he explained very eloquently why and how it works for him – so eloquently, in fact, that I could totally get – and appreciate – his penchant for non-planning. He doesn’t plan because he lets the mood, the place, the bottom – what she’s wearing, how she’s acting and reacting – the music and the environment and even the others playing around him, move him and inspire him.  It is a very organic and intuitive process. Having heard him talk about it, I love it, and I understand now the look he sometimes gets on his face, as he is assessing the situation and reacting to his environment. He is very “in the moment” and doesn’t need the excitement of anticipating the scene.

I, on the other hand, am a total anticipation junkie. I never want to know exactly what’s going to happen in a scene, but I do crave the anxiety of a few well-placed hints of what’s to come, of knowing something is going to happen, but not exactly what. Unfortunately it’s hard to drop those “well-placed hints” if you don’t know what’s going to happen either. LOL

So…I am savoring the anticipation and the hints and the not-knowing of these potential scenes at Tryst and Fusion – while also being filled with anxiety about them!

It does create the conundrum I mentioned tho, because since I don’t know when the kidnapping(s)/scene(s) are going to occur (and since I don’t want to know), but since I have been told my clothing may get damaged, I guess I need to wear “destructible” clothing until they do (at least during the day – I don’t think it will happen at night.)

Or else I need to go mostly naked. ~grin~

I didn’t actually go naked very much at the last Fusion. Our first Tryst I spent all of the last two days in a sarong and little else, and I did go naked-ish a few times at Fusion, but…Fusion definitely has a different flavor for me, and I don’t think I will want to hang out nearly-naked as much as at Tryst. Besides, I like to play dress up. But, you know, I don’t actually have all that many items of clothing I’m willing (and can afford) to have possibly destroyed. But I have a solution-Goodwill! So away I went, and bought some things so I have several day’s worth of destructible clothing, and I will just wear those until the event – or events – happen. Problem solved!

But I still feel guilty.

2 Comments

  1. nancy says:

    All I can say is you’re not the only one buying destructible clothes at Goodwill. Don’t feel guilty.. Someone else might get that cute little top~!

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