Day 19: Any unexpected ways kink has improved your life? If so, what are they?
I can’t say that it was particularly unexpected…I mean the desire for hot sex was why I got interested in BDSM in the first place, but I think I was surprised at how much I enjoyed sex after discovering kink. I always enjoyed sex for the emotional fulfillment I got in doing it. It brought me closer to my lover/husband, it made me feel good because I knew that he was getting pleasure from it, but on a purely physical level, I wasn’t getting much out of it. The same ole (vanilla) bump ‘n’ grind every Saturday night just didn’t do it for me. But when I discovered kink and my own submissive nature and accepted that I found pleasure in rough sex and S/M activities, it was like a lightbulb going off. A really BIG, bright lightbulb – say, the size of the sun or so – and suddenly I couldn’t get enough of it. I was horny all the time. It was quite the revelation: that I actually enjoyed sex, for me, for myself, and could actually orgasm – a lot, and frequently! Yippee skippee!!
There were other revelations though, too. Learning to accept my desires led to a lot of introspection about what those desires were, and what I wanted, not only out of my sex life, but out of life in general. It also caused me to look back on my past and evaluate some of the relationship choices I’d made – and, in at least one case, to forgive myself for some of the bad choices I’d made. I learned to be a better communicator, to be more honest with myself and my lover(s), and to take responsibility for my own pleasure and for creating a life that met my needs and desires. It made me love my body in a way I never had, and to respect it for capabilities I never knew I had. I came to find that it isn’t only the pretty, perfect women with perfect breasts that can be sexy and desirable and hot, and that I have a lot to offer physically as well as emotionally and intellectually. None of these were (are) things that I had ever thought would come about just from getting into kinky sex.