I don’t do official sex toy reviews, mostly because I don’t feel qualified to discuss issues about product safety, etc., and if you get those things wrong, well, bad things can happen. So I leave that to the pros. But I do use sex toys, both with partners and alone, and sometimes I write about those experiences. You know, because sex and sex toys are fun. :-)
A friend of mine posted an image of her orgasm tabulation for the year (hashtags that equaled approximately 10x the number of orgasms I have had this year so far) and I felt, well, a little embarrassed by my lack. NOT the correct response, and not what she intended, I am sure. I love her sexual energy and wish, sometimes, that I could capture it, could breathe it in and let it fill me up. Instead, so often, what’s going on in my environment, and in my relationships, inhibits me from enjoying my sexuality. And there’s a lot going on in my environment that I allow to affect me adversely, both globally and personally.
Sexual energy is good energy, healthy energy. It buoys one up, even if one isn’t having intercourse, in fact it oftentimes has nothing to do with intercourse. A lot, if not most, of my sexual energy comes from interactions with my kink partner(s), and attempts by me to establish some sort of daily sexual ritual have always failed, mostly because I don’t interact with them in that way on a daily basis. There used to be a lot more of that energy, but the pandemic has tamped that down a lot, and oftentimes I don’t even think of myself as a sexual person. I am a (sometime) submissive, I am a (sometime) lover, I am a girlfriend and a life-partner, a mother, a coworker, a friend. Those roles don’t often make room for a “sexual being.”
I’d like that to change. I’d like sexual energy and joy to be as much a part of my existence as any other. I believe our society shames women who insist on exploring and celebrating our sexuality after a certain age and I want to combat that in my own life. I can’t force sexual feelings, but I can be open to giving myself opportunities to experience it, and take those opportunities when they arise. I settled down with a new sex toy the other evening after work with exactly that thought in mind.
I love the idea of having my clit sucked deeply by a machine or toy, or even, when I fantasize about having a clit-cock, by a human. I’ve played with the Womanizer, a pricey clit-sucking toy, before, hoping the reality matched my fantasies, but it didn’t work out that way for me. The pressure on my clit was too pinpointed and uncomfortable. Eventually, with a lot of work trying to find the right spot, I could come, but it was an almost painful sensation. It became a toy that my kink partner used as an occasional torture device rather than one about sexual pleasure, and after a couple times, never saw the outside of my sex toy box again.
Then the other day I saw a review for this toy. It’s called the Sohimi Clitoral-Sucking Vibrator (a brand I’ve never heard of.) There were a number of things that convinced me to give it a try: it has a curved g-spot insertable with vibrations, a wider “mouth” for my clit, and it was really affordable. The big mouth on it was the real selling point. Many times I have thought, if the sucking area could just suck all of my clit in, like a wide, grasping mouth – well, that’s part of the fantasy in my head. It could work. And at that price, how could I resist?
I’m glad I didn’t resist. The first time with the toy was not great, and I was sure it was going to be another Womanizer fiasco. I did have an orgasm, but it was…strange. It built up and up, never really finding the right place but using the g-spot stim to push me to the edge…but when I got there… Poof. It was over. I like a lot of clit stimulation, and it just didn’t deliver.
But then I tried it again. I didn’t want to give up without really giving it a chance. I used lube this time, unlike before, and rather than just focusing on the sensations, I let myself drift into fantasy, imagining I was strapped down to a table and this sucking machine was being strapped to me, forced upon me. Suddenly it was a wide-mouthed sucking machine, and I was helpless against it. I spread my labia wide and experimented with the various speeds, and, since the body of the toy is somewhat pliable, I was able to maneuver it against my g-spot better, rocking it in micro-pulses so the suction actually pulled on my clit while the vibrator stroked my g-spot. And that did it! It wasn’t a screaming orgasm, and it was far more pin-pointed and focused than other orgasms, but it was pleasurable, and I liked that I took the time to coax it out of my body. That it wasn’t the slam-bam-thank-you-ma’am of my Hitachi.
Okay, had to take a break to give it another go, after writing about it turned me on.
Yep! It worked, just like before. It takes a lot more patience than I usually have when I want to orgasm. And it doesn’t have the power of my Baldy (Hitachi) orgasms. But it was a fun way to re-introduce myself to my own sexuality here in the new year, a fun way to play, and a nice bit of self-care here on a morning when I needed it.
And now, I’m off to yoga and maybe run, because it’s my day for it, and – even if I resist doing it – I always feel better after. Oh, and then packing and grocery shopping and I had had vague plans to hike this afternoon, but the cold weather is impacting that decision, so we’ll see.
Oh, and guess what? I finally finished the 12 Tasks of Christmas! I’ll write a post about it soon.